Moscow on the Hudson

I was really struck by this post today. I'll be graduating from law school in May, when I will have to decide where to take the bar. I've been dating a wonderful guy for three years who will be stationed in another state for at least a year and a half after I graduate. We haven't lived in the same state since we started dating and its really beginning to wear on me. BUT I don't want to practice in the state he lives in and I don't want to put off my career for another two years just to move there. All of a sudden I'm having to evaluate what is most important to me, and I'm scared shitless.

I think a lot of this anxiety comes from the fact that instead of being boxed in to the choices of a) finish law school or b) don't (which was never really an option anyway), I now have a literal world of options. I could choose not to practice law for a while and do some really fulfilling work for a non-profit. I could clerk for a judge in any number of areas. I could get lucky and land my dream job at a small, private firm - but have to give up living near the guy I've invested so much in.

Then I start to wonder: Should I really be with him in the first place if I even have to think about this? We're really good together, but like all couples, we have problems. I'm still young, fairly attractive, mildly entertaining. I could find someone else. There are any number of interesting men at school, online, sitting next to me on the flight to Memphis, who I might be compatible with. It's like the choosing toothpaste: there are so many choices, any one of which will probably work for me. Maybe even better.

Of course, people aren't toothpaste. I can't shake the nagging feeling that my attempt to rationalize the irrational is just a cover for my fear of making a mistake. Truth is, my boyfriend is wonderful now and would make a wonderful partner down the road. I think that the sweetest choice can indeed be to choose what you already have, what already makes you happy. All I know to do is wait it out and see where I do get a job and test how I feel. Until then, I've just got to avoid passing out in the aisle.